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The Left on Rights


So, now that it has been confirmed that the Right to Keep and Bear Arms is an individual right, what is the left to do?

The left is very fond of “rights.” You have a right to a living wage, a right to adequate housing, a right to get married, a right to adequate food, a right to health care. In each of these rights put forth by the left, their answer to support these rights is usually to enact social programs to ensure that everyone has access to these “rights.” In many cases they will champion for property to be taken from some so that others have access to these rights.

So, will they now advocate for measures to ensure that everyone has access to a weapon? After all, as a right of this country, shouldn’t everyone be entitled to such?

I would like to propose a new program:

The Gun Ownership Training and Certified Handling for America Program.

60% of all US homes are without a gun. This leaves nearly 180,000,000 people without access to a firearm for self defense. Clearly, some action needs to be taken. It would only seem right that the Federal Government should step in and ensure that every person has access to a firearm. Toward this end, The Gun Ownership Training and Certified Handling for America (GOTCHA) Program will ensure that every American has access to a firearm and qualified training.

If a person can show that they cannot afford training and a weapon, then it will be provided for them. This could take the form of requiring employers to provide training, and a tax deduction for those that also elect to provide their employees with a weapon. The weapon should be a minimum of a six round 9mm handgun, although rifles with fewer rounds may qualify, depending on the size of the ammunition. Shotguns do not qualify. A minimum of 100 rounds of ammunition for the qualifying weapon must also be provided.

If a person is unemployed, then a suitable weapon will be provided at no charge from the government. Social Services Departments will be enlisted to ensure training and dissemination of weapons. You may apply at the same time and location as applying for unemployment or other social welfare benefits.

In conjunction with this program, the federal government will be enlisted to ensure that firearms are affordable to every American. As such, firearms manufacturers and distributors will first be exempt from all lawsuits resulting from the mishandling of their products. They will also be required to submit to periodic screening to ensure that they are not indulging in pricing practices that result in windfall profits that may follow an emergency situation such as a natural disaster or organized attack on the citizens of this great country.

All facilities which receive federal funds will be required to have at least one trained and armed person per 100 persons at the facility. Each separate building on a campus or other multi-structure facility will be required to have at least one such trained and armed person per structure.

Firearm training programs will be provided by federally funded colleges and universities. It is also proposed that firearm training be a mandatory part of the college curriculum. In this way, America will ensure that a large segment of its population that may not otherwise receive adequate training will have access to this valuable tool.

It is hoped that the GOTCHA Program will result in the ability of the citizens of America to adequately protect themselves and their property from attack. This should also ensure that the right of Americans to adequate protection is guaranteed.
 
Tags: Gun Control  
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Obama’s Obstacles


We are told that Republicans will not vote for Obama because he’s black, and Obama himself has suggested that the GOP will use race based ads to scare white people. If we don’t vote for Obama then we’re racist!  So, I thought I would break down a few other demographics to explain some other reasons not to vote for Mr. Barrack Obama. If you’re really interested in all that socialist policy stuff that really matters, I suggest you turn here, here, here, here, here… oh, just go here; Crawfish has it all broken down over at the Swamp. If you want to focus on demographics and race and gender and income like most good little socialists, then you’re in the right place.

On race itself, it seems as though it is the Obama people that are bringing it up more than others, so I thought I’d grant them one, but let’s look at the numbers, shall we?

If you grant that Obama is black, then he is not a minority in his home town of Chicago. In fact, Chicago is nearly 37% black, the largest racial demographic in that city. Being black also means that he is less of a minority than Indians, Asians, Pacific Islanders, or the Community of Crimson Craniums.

If you grant Obama’s white lineage, then it is clear that he is not a minority in the US, and he even qualifies as a member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans.

On the other big topic of Religion, Obama also seems to have a dual heritage, but does this qualify him as disadvantaged? Is he a minority? Well, if he is a Christian, then he falls within 75% of the U.S. population who also claim to be Christians. If he is Muslim, then he falls within over 1 billion people worldwide who also identify themselves as Muslim. Neither seems to qualify him for minority status.

Ok, so on the biggies he’s not much of a minority, so voting for or against him for these reasons is a bit silly. But maybe he’s disadvantaged in some other way? Let’s take a look…

Obama went to a private school in Hawaii, the Puahou School. Tuition there currently is nearly $16,000 / year. Not many disadvantages. He then went on to go to Harvard Law School. Graduation from there is virtually guaranteed to get you a top dollar job.

Obama is a lawyer, married to a lawyer. As a U.S. Senator he brings home $169,300 annually (before taxes). In 2007, Obama and his wife filled taxes on $991,296, down from over $1.6 million the year before! This places him easily into the top 1% of wage earners in this country.

Well, I have yet to see where Obama has been disadvantaged much in any way. So let’s go down a little deeper, and even more superficially.

Obama is a guy. A guy who women swoon for, according to reports. This means that he has not experienced the kind of sexism like others we have heard about.

Obama has black hair. Not having Red Hair of course means right away that he doesn’t qualify for C.A.S.H. In fact, Black hair is the most common of human hair color.

Obama is tall. Six foot one, according to some reports. This puts him in an advantaged group, according to some reports. Many believe that tall people are better than us short people. Even his wife is taller than average, which leads some to question whether height will be a factor in this year’s election. (Let’s hope not…)

So, I am having a little trouble figuring out where this claim of being disadvantaged in some way comes from. I cannot figure out what all the fuss is about. Am I missing something? Is having a tall guy with black hair that earns six figures as a lawyer and went to an Ivy League school with slave holding ancestors who claims to be a Christian running for President of the United States of America something new?
 
Tags: election  
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My Carbon Credit Crisis


I was trying to get ahead of this Carbon Credit thing before the bill died, but I had a few questions that needed answering before I really felt comfortable getting in too deep. So I called by Carbon Credit Broker, Mr. Donkeythumper. I think he’s part American Indian.

He agreed to set up a meeting at the local Starbucks the next day. I’m not a big Starbucks fan, but I agree to the location anyway, because Donkeythumper says it’s convenient for him. He also lets me know that he hates being called “Mister.” He says he doesn’t want to become part of that whole corporate vibe.

So I get there a little early the next day and order myself a cup of coffee; “Regular, Regular, Black, Regular.” “One Joe Shmoe!” The barista hollers to the back. After serving me, Donkeythumper takes off his apron and sits down with me at the table.

“What’s up, dude?” He begins.  He's very informal, but I was referred to him by my brother, Karl.

“Well, I’ve got a few questions about Carbon Credits and taxes.” I say. “I’m a little confused, what with the new Cap and Trade, and windfall profits taxes, and so forth.”

“Yeah, that stuff’s deep, man. But they’ll get it all figured out, then we can all get on board and live the righteous life. Those are some smart dudes up there in Wash’, you know? So lay it on me, man.”

“Well, if I buy a lot of Credits, and then sell them after some catastrophe at a profit, will I be subject to a windfall profits tax?”

Donkeythumper assures me he’ll look into this.

“What if I’ve got these Credits stored in my garage, or in my shed out back, and the house catches fire, will they be covered under my home insurance? Will I have to buy additional Carbon Credits to pay off the carbon debit I’ve incurred during the fire?”

Donkeythumper shakes his head. His dreadlocks nearly knock over my coffee. He offers to sell me some Carbon Credit Insurance that will cover me in case of a loss. He says it’s very reasonable.

“What if I need to sell my Carbon Credits later this year? Will I be subject to Capital Gains taxes? How long should I hold onto them?”

Donkeythumper abruptly gets up. He tells me his break is almost over, and he needs to go out back and take his meds, although he does invite me out to share. Apparently this vibrant young man has glaucoma! Just goes to show, you can’t tell what kind of crisis someone may be having just by looking at them.

Well, it’s been almost a week, and even though I bought nearly a million tons worth of Carbon Credits from Donkeythumper, I have yet to hear back from him. His mom says he and his best buddy left out for California the next day, for a Carbon Credit Conference, I’m sure. His phone must not work very well out there, because whenever I call, all I hear are screams and “Yes, Yes, Yes,” no matter what I ask him.

So, what should I do? Can anyone help me with my questions? I may need to get another broker.
 
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CASH Victory!


President Bush signed the Genetic Nondiscrimination Information Act into law on May 21, 2008. (An early birthday present for your humble founder.) With this law, the Crimson Apex Solidarity Horde (CASH) claims an important victory in the quest for equal treatment of the (2nd) smallest minority in the US – the Redhead! (For those of you wondering, “The smallest minority on earth is the individual.”  – A.R.)

GINA (Genetic Nondiscrimination Information Act) prevents insurance companies and businesses from discriminating against individuals based on their genetic makeup. This discrimination may take the form of increased insurance premiums, loss of insurance coverage, loss of job opportunities in the workplace, or loss of wages.

For those of us with Red Hair, this means that we can no longer be denied our place at the Head of the table just because we have a Red Head. So apply for that job, seek that promotion, and rise to the top, because you deserve it, and can not be denied it just because someone thinks you have a carrot top! If they try to stop you, sue the pants off them!

But there is still much to be done. Keep those contributions coming! Only with your help can we hope to achieve more equality for the Crimson Craniums of this world!

Because GINA only forbids businesses from requesting or demanding a genetic test for hiring or promotional purposes, it may not stop the full discrimination that we Crimson Craniums feel. After all, we wear our genetic makeup on our heads! Is a test really necessary to determine that a job applicant has Red Hair and Freckles? It is for this reason that C.A.S.H. will keep fighting for you, our Burgundy Brothers! C.A.S.H. has determined that this law does not go far enough! We will fight for your right to sit out the job interview. That’s right; you shouldn’t even have to show up, because unless the interviewer is blind, they will be able to determine your genetic makeup visually, putting you at an instant disadvantage from your dark haired oppressors. So stay home, don’t go to the next job interview; and if they still don’t hire you, C.A.S.H. has your back like a White House Press Secretary!

We must also beware of legislation such as this, and you can be sure that the team over here at C.A.S.H. RedHeadQuarters is going through it piece by piece. We will insure that there are not some other nefarious items stuck in here, like requiring everyone to submit to genetic testing for the government.

Next stop: Hate Speech! The next time someone offends you with a “Ginger” joke, or a comment about how hot in bed RedHeads are (it may be true, but I still find it highly offensive!), take them to court! Soon we’ll have this First Amendment thing beat, too!


C.A.S.H.: Because Red is more than just a State of Mind; Red is Right!
 
Tags: law   Redheads  
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The Problem with Liberals


Well, this one’s easy.

Liberals are dishonest, unhappy, they wish to destroy our capitalist economy, they support our enemies, they want to control our lives, and kill God.


Have a nice day!
 
Tags: Liberals  
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