Posted by
Redhead on Sunday, May 11, 2008 9:57:14 PM
Due to the recent heated discussions sparked by the latest update from the Crimson Apex Solidarity Horde (CASH), we have felt the need to issue a policy statement to clarify our positions.
Red Hair Dye:
It is the position of CASH that Red Hair Dye is a racist product. It is clearly the equivalent of blackface. As a result, people who dye their hair red will be outed as the ginger-phobic racists that they are. We
will not be mocked! We are tired of people who try to claim our inherent traits as their own, yet do not possess one ounce of red haired blood!
It has been said that some sixty percent of women who dye their hair do so at home. Of them twenty six percent choose to go blonde, twenty seven percent go basic brunette, and thirty percent choose to become redheads. The sale of at home red dye kits has gone up seventeen percent since the year two thousand hit.
As a result, and in order to raise awareness of this relatively new phenomenon, CASH will be bringing this issue to the attention of Hollywood, since they are always looking for some new cause to champion. CASH will be seeking volunteers to peruse all movies, preferably with some of the bigger stars, to ensure that all rugs match the drapes, so to speak. Any faux reds that are found should be immediately reported to CASH management, along with all supporting documentation and evidence, for inclusion in our official Hollywood lobbying files. These will be reviewed at the next CASH management meeting to ensure that they are up to our high standards.
CASH does not support even the dyeing of ones hair for “research” purposes. We will not condone a replay of the
fiasco perpetrated by John Griffin in 1961. Anyone seeking to understand our plight needs only to talk to one of us. We are not diseased. We are not an inherently angry people. We will appreciate the chance to explain our points of view in a human way.
“Strawberry” Blondes:
As previously mentioned, the topic of “strawberry” blondes has been a hotly contested issue within CASH. At our last convention a riot nearly ensued as a direct result of this debate. (Yes, of course we have conventions. Yes, they are usually held in cloudier climates, or indoors.) It is currently the position of CASH that “strawberries” are not representative of the Crimson Apex Solidarity Horde. These posers have not had to suffer the humiliation that many of us have as a direct result of the color of their hair. They often hide behind the dominant blonde coloring of their hair to accomplish their goals, or to make up for their short comings. They will then retreat to “strawberry” when the need arises.
Imagine, if you will, someone who is
half black and half white. Imagine if this person was brought up in the finest white neighborhoods, and attended fine private schools usually enjoyed only by whites. Imagine further that this person descended from white slave-owners, and whose relatives fought in the Civil War, for the Confederate Army. Now, imagine if this person then moved to a predominately black town, and joined a predominately black church. Can you imagine the outcry that would happen if this person were to then come onto the national stage in some way, and try to appeal to people, based on his “blackness”? His whole background would be ayer’d! This person would be derided for his audacity. And wrightly so! If this person then disagreed with some national black leadership figure, he would be wrightly accused of grandstanding in front of white people.
It is just this kind of pandering that CASH will not tolerate. We will not condone the minimalization of the Red Haired Experience. It is for this reason that we will not allow these mongrels into our ranks.
On a further note, we will not discriminate against those that are not descended directly from red haired parents. This is clearly taking the issue too far, and we will not take part in this kind of discrimination. So, if both of your parents happen to have dark hair, or one is red and one is blonde, you are welcome into our ranks, as long as your hair color is clearly crimson.